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About rebelr.

Rebelryter’s blog is about nothing and everything. The rebelryter writes because the rebelryter thinks. The rebelryter writes because the rebelryter thinks the rebelryter writes!

This Name. That Name. What Name?

Often when I drive around I can’t help but notice the names of the several businesses in town. My first question usually is how and why they come up with these names and more often than not, who approved of those name. Sad to say, the answers don’t come to me as easily as I would hope, so I keep on driving.

On one of such journeys, I decided to take a long of the most outstanding ones I espied. Behold, I give you ten (10) of the names that made it to my hit list.

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1. Unique Christianville Educational Institute

I’m not sure what to make of this. I never knew of a town by name Christianville nor have I ever heard of its educational institute. It must be where all go to become Christian.

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2. Peculiar Child Academy

Motto: Peculiar, we are the children!

Peculiar is not a word I would choose to describe my children. So a whole school full of them would be rather much. By the way, who came up with that motto?

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3. Your Hearts Desire Boutique and Beauty Shop

Name your hearts desire and you’ll have it. Whether it is shoes designed by Cartier or Louis Vitton, or the dress Nicole Kidman wore at the Oscars. It’s all yours!

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4. Unique Foresight Internet Cafe

If my foresight were not unique, I wouldn’t own this wonderful slow connection Internet cafe. How many people do you know who own Internet cafe’s? I’m the only one with this unique foresight! [The COW]

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5. Wisdom Laundry Services

Wisdom could be the name of the owner. Or better yet they wish to show you that they employ ample doses of wisdom in laundering your clothes.

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6. Good Name Fitting Shop

Where all who have good names go to fix their cars.

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7. Green Cheese Spot

Before I go further, I should state that this is a local “blue kiosk”. When I say “blue kiosk” you should know that I’m refering to our very ubiquitous street corner drinking bars. Now, I have 2 questions. Why cheese? I mean seriously, why cheese? Seeing as the spot has nothing to do with any item on the tall list of dairy products. Secondly, must the cheese be green?

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8. Ex Gratia Enterprise

Owner: “While I was in a position of power, I saved up enough money to start my own enterprise in a 10×15 kiosk. But my ESB could only do so much. I couldn’t summon the courage to steal more. So please buy from me, I beg.”

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9. The Lord’s Arrow of Deliverance Enterprise

Dare any human try to subvert, sabotage or damage this business in any way shape or form. There shall you see God’s arrow of deliverance at top speed and in full force upon your head! Be ye warned.

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10. Bisa Awurade Stop Over

Don’t just stop there, be sure to ask God if He feels that’s the right place to stop over. Otherwise, just pass on by to the next stop.

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11. De Hairvens Barbering Shop

Ummm… I’m all about puns and all, but this one deε I beg! Everyone who barbers there goes straight to Hairven. The haven of all Hairs. All barbers do go to Hairven. I could go on and on and on.

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12. Surprise Beauty Shop

Guess what you come in with long hair and surprise! You leave with short spiky hair. Or maybe you asked them to dye your hair black and SURPRISE! They dye it blue!!!

And oh oh oh how about this one?
God is the Best Fried Yam
A friend saw this written boldly while in Ghana. A look at this statement with a careless eye would hardly reveal the depth and controversy wrapped up in it. Several schools of thought could be gathered from such a proclamation. In fact I think I could base an entire thesis on this.

 
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Posted by on March 27, 2012 in Social Life

 

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Unreasonable With Reasonable Intent

I may not have lived too long on this here earth, but I think I’ve lived long enough to come to the simple conclusion that being unreasonable is more often than not the line of least or no resistance.

I often try to believe in the notion that being reasonable and talking things through with other homo sapiens and appealing to their intellect (apparent or absent) is the best option for all. The reason is for the mere fact that you don’t want to create the impression that you’re dealing with animals. However, experience says otherwise. Based on all field tests and analysis it has been proven time and again that being an unreasonable son (or daughter) of a b*tch usually gets you results. Sad to say, but this is true.

Case in point. This afternoon I went to a bank to do what most go to banks to do. I drove in and realized quickly that parking was going to be more of a challenge than necessary. After running around in circles for sometime (time I couldn’t afford to waste) I found an available spot, which turned out to be unavailable (if you get what I mean). I thought pleading with the seemingly rational security guard was a better option but that was not to be the case. Long story short after hustling (bending & twisting) my car to fit into the oddly positioned parking space, two other parking attendants came to give me intangible reasons why I couldn’t park there. It was even more difficult to park there because some idiot had parked right across the spot making it impossible to park comfortably. After those other idiot attendants had spoken what seemed to them as wise reasoning, my threshold for patience had been crossed with speed beyond the acceptable limit. I sped off from their spot, drove round the building and stopped wherever I felt fit and parked. In strutted another attendant coming to give me more reasons why I couldn’t park there. I just got out my car slammed my door shut and walked towards the bank without as much as an acknowledgement of the attendant. I went inside did what I had to do and came back to my car. The attendant could not summon up the courage to mutter a single word in my direction.
In the end, I got what I wanted the attendants got what they derserved and everyone goes home happy.

Perhaps if you were to have observed the scene from a distance you might see me as being very rude. But I tell you the truth had I tried to find a more reasonable approach to this, I might still be there till midnight looking for a parking spot opening myself up to more parking attendants spreading their no parking here theories and podtulations. I don’t have the time for that.

So I say to all who read this, being unreasonable is key for any form of success in this here motherland Ghana of ours. If you haven’t tried it yet, give it a shot and you’ll know what I said is nothing but the truth. For those of you have, would you be as kind as to share your tales with the rest of the world?

 
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Posted by on February 29, 2012 in Ghanaian Lifestyle, Life

 

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Should you really live everyday as if it were your last?

You’ve probably heard this being said several times over and most likely have used it yourself once or twice in your lifetime. I bet you felt that you had been given a whole new and improved leash on life and your strategy for life had been reshaped and remodeled to face each day head on. Let me just say that after reading this piece, you might want to rethink your game plan just a little bit.
I must admit, it’s made quite a great many speeches proud and I’m happy for those you who were given resounding applauses after this statement was made. While I may be happy for you, I think that it is extremely reckless for one to live each day as though it were the last. I simply can’t agree with that statement.

I pondered long and hard about this statement and when I could chew no longer, I asked my best friend what she would do if today were her last day on earth. She said to me in a calm tone; “I would said sleep in the church.” You see my point? Living today like it were your last feels like a balloon going out flat and trying desperately to stay afloat. But if you’re a typical Ghanaian or the kind of person who likes to leave things for the very last minute, I can understand why this would be appropriate.

If I woke up this morning and knew for certain that this was the very last day of my life, I would say to myself: “Oh geez, the last day of my life. Whatever am I going to do with it?” Then with a slow start I’d head out straight to my bank (yes, I won’t brush my teeth. Who cares? I’d be dead by tomorrow anyways) and raid my bank account of all it is worth. Head to town and buy the one most expensive electronic gadget I’ve always wanted; be sure to maximize its while showing off to everybody I meet on the street. Then I would look through my list for the most disliked person (or people) in my life and depending on their location show off my latest overpriced yet China-made contraption. After dangling it before their faces, I would punch them in the face and tell them exactly how I felt about them. If it’s a guy, I would kick him in the nuts and make sure he screams like a girl; take a video and upload it on YouTube and make sure all his friends see it. If it’s a lady I’d hope she wore a weave I could rip off her head and leave her bald. Just as I did for the guy, I would upload the photos and video on YouTube and Facebook for public humiliation.

Alternatively I could spend the first half the morning in a sombre mood repenting of ALL my sins in the hopes that I wouldn’t be a gate crusher at the Pearly Gates. The remaining half would be spent on having a good solid kings breakfast (damn the carbs and calories). In the afternoon I would take a stroll through my favorite side of town, say goodbye to all my friends, make sure that my last will and testament have the right people on it. I would sit down someplace quiet and evaluate the life I’ve lived and probably feel sorry for myself and all the things I was unable to achieve while still alive. Bottom line, it would be a miserable day, one I would never want to relive i.e. if I don’t die! I would think to myself: “All the hard work I put into living has all come down to a measly 24hours.” Quel dommage!

Now imagine waking up to a bright sunny day and that was the very first day of your life (make it a rainy day even, it makes no difference)- imagine the possibilities!!! Unlimited! It would be the first time you would have seen the Sunny Sky or Rainy Day. It would be the first time you breathe. It would be the first time you laugh, cry, jump, walk, cycle, used Facebook or Twitter even! For me this outlook presents a far better and less gloomy picture than the former frame. I might be putting the cart before the wheel, but perhaps it’s because I seek to move in a different direction.

I’d rather live each day as my FIRST! Thing is, there’s something about the start of a thing that carries so much energy, inspiration and zing that you just don’t get at the last minute of life (which leans more towards desperation). There’s always so much hope at the start and seriously if we had to live as though this were the dying moments of our lives I doubt much progress will be made.

I may or may not have convinced you to tow my line of thought, but if think about how well we start each year with truckloads of resolutions and hearts brimming with hope and contrast it with how the year ends; looking back at the regrets, the should-haves, could-haves and would-haves (don’t forget scraping the bottom of our bank accounts for enough cash to splurge during the holidays), you might be tempted to concur.

As we enter 2012, I would like to cease these precious first moments of the year to simply appreciate life – eventful or otherwise; the slow ones, the fast ones, the high ones and yes, even the low ones (especially the low ones)- knowing that second chances do exist and if we lose out on today, tomorrow holds hope for victory. That’s all I’m saying. Love it or hate it, you can choose to take it or leave it. I leave that entirely up to you.

 
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Posted by on January 1, 2012 in Social Life

 

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Technology Simplified: The Fork Experience

You gotta love technology, computers, gadgets. Anything with an electronic chip embedded anywhere in it is automatically my best friend. My phone is an HTC, one of the best phone brands in the world currently. Says the rebel. It is an HTC Touch Pro. A great work of art. I’ve had it for 3 years and some (by my calculation, that’s 90 years in human years). Lately, it has been falling apart piece by piece. It’s only natural with gadgets. One fall too many and it begins to give way. I must confess that I have used that phone well. And I mean well! At first half the screen wouldn’t respond to any form of stimuli from either the stylus or my finger. Only recently, a little perspiration found its way in between the screens it and has decided to stay forever. I’ve let it out to dry it out in the sun. Nothing. It just won’t budge. I’ve been trying to do it small-small until I save up enough cash for my iPhone! (Yes, I’m also a Macaddict) but the phone is showing me paaaaa.

I figured since I had a slide QWERTY losing the screen wouldn’t be a big deal. I was wrong! Just because it has a slide out QWERTY keyboard doesn’t mean it does magic tricks.

As a result of my inability to communicate with the phone through its screen, some annoying pop up keeps…popping up and I can’t get it to stop. At least once every minute it pops up, draining my battery juice. So I decided to lock the phone to get rid of the sounds it makes, at the very least. I did that and it worked. All I need it to do to regain control of my phone is to simply eject the stylus from its slot. It unlocks the phone granting me access to a little bit of the phone. So in essence with a locked phone minus stylus, equals useless phone. It might as well be a 6-inched hollow brick.

Now here’s what happened.

Long story short, I lost the stylus while the phone was locked. For four full frustrating days, I was unable to       access any feature on the phone, save answering calls. I tried every trick I could come up with and I just gave up.

My Eureka! moment came at dinner one evening when a friend feeling the pain of my frustration suggested that I try her stylus. I didn’t think it would work ‘cos it was way bigger than mine, but it did. Surprisingly. Later I decided to try a toothpick. That too worked! Laughable. I know. Still bemused by these facts, I decided to try my fork and by goodness it worked!!!  I could not believe it. I cracked up. It was too funny. I had spent hours moping over this for nothing. A fork. A fork. Can you imagine? A fork? I laughed so hard my face was contorted. Out of all the possible options the answer was in a piece of crockery.  was all that was it took to unlock a sophisticated windows mobile device! Think about precious days I went by all the seconds and minutes I spent behind the phone trying to figure out a way to troubleshoot this snag with the most complicated of tact and skill.

I have uploaded a video demonstration for your viewing pleasure. By all means have a laugh.

 
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Posted by on September 11, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

watch.this.space.

Hey folks, this is just a post to announce that I will be updating this blog infinitely soon…

 
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Posted by on August 30, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Tumble Me Rebel

There was one time when I was riding a bike and I turned around the corner of the street too sharply and nearly came head on with a parked car. I was so startled that I lost control of the bicycle and fell. In between the time I realized that I was going to fall and the time that I actually fell, I tried really hard to compose myself on the bike and not fall. A few seconds before I hit the ground, I gave in to the fall and made sure that I fell graciously to the ground. If you’ve got to fall, you at least have to make it look good, right?

Another time I went downstairs to iron my shirt. On my way back I miscalculated my step and fell down to my knees at the stairwell. The security guard on duty at that time run up to me and said “Oh Madam, you tumbled?”. I could have kicked him in the nuts at that time if my knee didn’t hurt so badly. Tumbled? Seriously? I didn’t even try to answer him and I just limped my sorry self away.

I’m certain that at one point in time or the other you have suffered a set back (or set down) or two when gravity took hold of your stability. When I was back in Wesley Girls’ we called it “Koto” (as in, “wakye koto”), which translates to “he or she has caught a crab”. In this, the act of falling down is likened to a person who is catching a crab.

Over time, I have perfected the art of tumbling. Matter of fact, I think I can hold lessons in tumbling for the inexperienced tumbler. For real guys, from grace to the ground. But it’s funny really, think of how many people have fallen in their lifetimes and how they fell. Even the most dignified of people have at several points in their lives fallen down in very undignified ways.

 
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Posted by on June 6, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Why 7+2 = 11

A cursory glance at the many trotros and taxis about the streets of Ghana will reveal unthinkable and hitherto unimaginable secrets of life, love, religion etc. It is a complete philosophical library of unintentional riddles, accidental parables and mind teasers that would make the theories and postulations of Aristotle and other great philosophers child’s play.

There aren’t very many reasons to support this – truth is, I know of none – but, according to the meager mathematics of a taxi driver (and possibly, his owner), the sum of the numbers seven (7) and two (2) is eleven (11). Whether or not you agree with him is not his concern. As he declares on the back of the taxi, that is none of your business! (see picture below).

 

I chewed on this for a while and came to the conclusion that the taxi driver probably had an argument with a passenger over change and perhaps, an onlooker came in to mediate the situation. The result of this mediation, may not have gone the way of the driver, hence his evident dislike for other people’s opinions on matters he deems to be right. To ward any future Samaritan off, he decided to declare this statement at the back of his taxi, just to let them know that he can handle his business. There!

Think about this for a second: “My Egg”. Now picture it in big bright yellow lettering. Does that put it in some perspective for you? Now imagine it at the back of a taxi.

If you saw this on your way to work one morning, what is the first thing that’ll pop into your mind? With all faculties of my brain engaged, my foremost guess was breakfast. But I was wrong, or so the traditional taxi/trotro convention dictates. All five of my subsequent attempts failed to take the cake as I moved further and further away from the truth. So my desperation, I turned to someone who specializes in this art form. An expert, if you will, on the taxi/trotro philosophy. The one person I know who has studied and developed an uncanny ability to discern from a distance the deep meaning behind these simple stated, yet, sagacious statements, my mother, the sage.

My Egg as she explained refers to the precious nature of the attachment between the driver/car owner and the taxi. In just the same way as you hold an egg gingerly, he will treat his car as such and he hopes that the rest of the world would too.

Friends and comrades, this brings me to the end of today’s edition of taxi truths. Until same time, some other place, please be safe out there on the roads; it’s a jungle out there.

 
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Posted by on April 13, 2011 in Uncategorized